what it feels like.

There is nothing worse that people not taking your PMDD seriously. People always want and explanation, "why are you crying", "why are you stressed". And they want to talk about it. Find the source. Some people, most people, can't accept that you are just crying. And that you don't want to talk about it. Because there is nothing to talk about!

I know that many people struggle with depression. And it's hard, and it can be life wrecking, and I sympathize with them. But I am beginning to feel like PMDD depression needs I different name. Not that it's any worse that regular depression, it's just different. Not the same.

I feel crazy sometimes. I just cry and cry. I feel so very far away and on the outside. Like everyone is looking at me and judging me for not being good enough. I try to cheer up, I try to smile, but I can't. Last week I was and “happy” and now I'm a wreck. And no one takes me seriously, really. I can see it in there eyes and hear it in there voices. I feel like they think I make it up. They think I am "being dramatic" or looking for attention. People, you can't just make this up. I wish is was that easy.

I'm far away from home right now, on a trip. and I'm having trouble keeping it together. I'm out of my comfort zone. I was once a world traveler, and did many, many things, and now I have trouble staying the night somewhere. I'm states away from home right now. Making this trip was a really big step for me, especially on week two of my cycle. I'm beginning to think I made the wrong choice. It's no one"s fault, it's just me. This is who I am. I didn't choose this. I don't do it on purpose.

Sometimes all I need to hear Is "I love you, I support you, I'm here for you." Why is that so hard? I think that maybe people are afraid, because hey don't understand it. And that why it's so important that PMMD becomes recognized is a real, and serious MEDICAL condition. We are not crazy, we are misunderstood.