First offical post.

It is difficult for me to write this, as I am in a great deal of pain. My hands hurt horribly. This weekend was supposed to be "laser tag and ice skating weekend", but it turned out being "stay at home and watch Doctor Who and eat frozen yogurt weekend".

I started a new medication for PMDD yesterday. This is the third in three months. I know that it can take a few weeks for any new medication to kick in, but so far I am in more pain than ever. All the joints in my hand throb and I have shooting pains in my feet and low back.

The frustrating part is, the medication I really need (Cymbalta), is not covered by by insurance company. And since their is no generic brand yet (it's too new), paying for it out of pocket would be beyond outrageous. We're talking like $400.00 a month. So I've been jumping from one medication to another and failing each one. Every time I fail one, my doctor reapplies for the Cymbalta coverage in hopes that they will finally approve. Sometimes with these insurance companies, you have to fail multiple drugs for the same condition in order to FINALLY be approve. It's pretty ridiculous. And sad.

I have been doing pretty well up until yesterday. The pain hasn't been so bad and my mood has been pretty upbeat. But this is the week before my period is due, so it's PMMD time. See, PMMD starts around eleven days before you get your period, for me at least. My mood shifts drastically. I become very down, and anxious and irritable. And because PMDD can cause physical symptoms, this magnifies my Fibromyalgia. So the next week or so will be my "bad week". It's a struggle to even get out of bed some days.

After my period starts, it goes away. Immediately. My mood is stable, and for the most part, my pain subsides. So for a week and a half to two weeks, I'm normal again. And then it's starts all over.

I try to tell myself, "you're not crazy, it's the PMDD", but it's really difficult to believe sometimes. It's like my hormones are tricking me. I don't feel like myself. My thoughts are racing and I can't focus on anything. I become insecure. I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything.  Then, after about a week. I'm fine. It's a constant roller coaster. One that I hope that none of you who are reading never have to deal with, and those of you who do deal with it, I sympathize.

Anyhow, this is about all my hands can type for today. More tomorrow.

My story, in a nutshell.

PREMENSTRAL DYSPHORIC DISORDER(PMDD) is a diagnosis used to indicate serious premenstrual distress with 3% to 8% of menstruating women. The symptoms of PMDD are similar to those of PMS but are severe enough to interfere with work, social activities, a relationships. Some of these symptoms include depression, anxiety, crying spells, and feeling insecure. Women with PMDD also often experience physical symptoms, such as, migraines, severe fatigue and nerve pain. PMDD is NOT a mental illness. It is a medical condition in which the hormones become unbalanced, such as serotonin. The "feel good" hormone, as well as your bodies natural defense against pain from normal everyday wear and tear.

Most Women develop PMDD during in their early teens or around the age of thirty. All of my life, I have always been an energetic, active, happy, bubbly person. Always very social, and outgoing. I began to develop PMDD symptoms about two years ago. After seeing several doctors, I was finally diagnosed this passed year.

FIBROMYALGIA is a syndrome in which a person has long-term, body-wide pain and tenderness in the joints, muscles, tendons, and other soft tissues. Fibromyalgia has also been linked to fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, depression, and anxiety. 

My Fibromyalgia causes me to have pain all over my body. Especially in my hands, my feet, my neck, and my lower back. It's a deep and intense pain. I feel it in my muscles, my bones... I even feel it in my skin! Doctors don't exactly know what causes it, though there are many theories. Physical trauma, high stress, or illness. Some believe it is hereditary.

My PMDD and the Fibromyalgia are connected. I'm not really sure which came first. It's like the chicken or the egg. I've been to billions of doctors, specialists, tried many prescription medications, some in which I had terrible reactions to. I've tried every natural and homeopathic remedy, read every book, gone to chiropractors, and EVEN physics. And I'm still in pain. But I refuse to give up. I know that one day I will be me again.